Being kind is good, but kindness also needs wisdom. I have noticed that some people struggle financially, not necessarily because they don't earn enough, but because they find it extremely difficult to say no when people ask them for help. We have all been there. Even when we are at our lowest, somebody asks us for help and we try to find a way to help. Some people even go as far as borrowing money so they can help someone else.
We do it because we don't want to turn people down. We don't want to inconvenience them. We don't want them to think we are selfish. But sometimes, helping everybody can leave you in a position where you cannot help yourself.
3 Reasons Why Your Kindness Could Make You Broke
1. You Are Not Setting Boundaries
If you are always available whenever someone needs money, you can eventually put unnecessary pressure on your finances. Setting boundaries does not mean you are a bad person. It simply means you understand your limits. Sometimes you have to be honest enough to say, “I can't afford that right now.” Not every request deserves a yes. And saying no to one request does not cancel all the good things you have done for people before.
2. You are afraid to Say No:
Also, we feel that if we don't help, we might not see people who will help us in return. Fear has crept into our souls to the extent that we begin to imagine things that do not exist.
3. You Make Financial Promises Too Easily
I am guilty of this too. Sometimes people close to us invite us to buy something, attend an event or contribute money, and because we care about them, we immediately say yes. The problem comes later when we realise we cannot comfortably afford what we promised. I have learned that every financial promise should be treated seriously. Before promising to spend money, ask yourself whether you can actually afford it. Don't borrow money simply to keep a promise you made because you wanted to impress someone. Protecting your future is not selfish.
How to Control Your Kindness So It Doesn't Make You Broke
1. Stop Explaining Too Much: Whenever you want to say No, don't give reasons why you are saying No. Kind people do this a lot. When you want to say No next time, just go straight to the point by saying things like: "I won't be able to do that this time. I hope it goes well." "Sorry, I won't be able to help at this time; wish you good luck"
2. Differentiate Feeling Sorry from Taking Responsibility: Sometimes, when people share their predicament with you, they are only sharing it because they need someone to talk to, and maybe you are one of those they feel safe with to share these things. It is not every struggle or touching story that you empty your accounts on. If the billionaires of this world are doing that, do you think they will still be billionaires today? Of course not.
Henceforth, always remember that it is not every story or struggle that you try to help or take responsibility for, especially when you know it is at your expense. However, if you have more than enough, you can do that willingly, but if you know you are struggling, Don't.
3. Have a fixed limit for social obligations: People will always need help whether you like it or not. However, when you are just trying to build yourself, ensure you have a fixed limit for social obligations, which includes money to help people.
Keep it within your budget. Henceforth, anytime the fixed amount you budgeted to help people has finished, and people still come to you for one help or the other, let them know you can't help at the moment. Let them wait till the following month; this is how you protect your finances.
What Happens When You Finally Master the Act of Saying No
1. You will be so Uncomfortable at first: You will feel as if you are a bad person when you begin to say no. Yes, this happens to everyone, especially when you are just learning to say no. Don't worry, it is part of the process. Nobody will be there when you are broke. In fact, those pressuring you with this and that will move on fast when you are no more. Hence, always remember to cut your coat according to your size. Stop saying yes to things that can harm you in the long run.
2. As Time goes on, the people who always reach out to you for every small thing will stop doing that: They will begin to look for other alternatives. You will begin to see fewer requests for help from you. This is because you are mastering the art of saying no.
3. You will begin to experience peace that you haven't experienced for a while: The peace will come because you will have fewer people troubling you. Do you know that song that says "Peace like a river"? Yeah, that is exactly what you will feel.
4. You will begin to realize that even towards the end of the month, you still have some money left with you: This is unlike before, when you would have borrowed and be looking to the next month before you can pay. From there, the cycle continues.
5. You will begin to attract better people to you: People who won't stress you and people who won't inconvenience you.
The Story of My Friend Who Struggled to Say No
Isaac was a childhood friend of mine and had always been a generous person. After he got a job in the banking sector, people around him quickly noticed how willing he was to help others financially. The problem was that Isaac often agreed to lend people money even when doing so put pressure on his own finances. Because he found it difficult to say no, he sometimes reached the end of the month with almost nothing left for himself.
In one example, after receiving a salary of ₦100,000, he lent ₦20,000 to one person, ₦30,000 to another and ₦15,000 to someone else. After spending another ₦30,000 on food and essential expenses, he had only ₦5,000 left.
When the month ended, he contacted the people who owed him money, but some of them delayed repayment or gave excuses. That experience made him realize that generosity without financial boundaries could leave him unable to meet his own needs. He eventually introduced a fixed monthly amount for helping other people. Once that amount was exhausted, he stopped making additional financial commitments until the following month.
This did not mean that he stopped being generous. It simply meant that he began helping people within limits he could actually afford. Over time, he was able to save more consistently and manage his money with greater discipline.
After this, he decided to ask for his money back when the month ended, and they all started giving excuses. This was what made Isaac promise never to borrow from anyone ever again. This decision seems to be the best decision because after he learnt to say No, He was just glowing and things got better for him.
This is the breakdown of his salary after he learnt to say No.
- He ensured he had a fixed limit every month for people he wants to help. Saying No doesn't mean he won't be helping anybody again; it simply means the number of people he will be helping each month will be lower.
- He spent N40,000 on foodstuffs and other personal essentials.
- He ensured he saved a minimum of N30,000 every month.
What changed was that he never had savings before and his financial lifestyle was a mess, but after he stopped helping everyone who came to him for help, he was able to save quite a reasonable amount of money every month. Not helping everyone doesn't mean he is a bad person. No, far from it. It is a key to financial discipline. Even if you have all the money in this world, you still can't help everyone.
Conclusion:
You must know that when you are broke, you are on your own. In this world that we are in, all men for themselves. Sometimes, when you are trying to solidify your finances, there are so many things you will deny yourself, and there are so many people you will have to say NO to before you can build this wealth. This does not mean you are a bad person. No... That is not it. Sometimes, you just have to take the harder parts when you want to achieve certain things in life.
Comments