Being kind is good, but you have to show kindness with wisdom. Oftentimes, Kind people have problems with their finances, and this is not because they are not making a good amount of money every month. The major reason why they are always broke is that they find it hard to say the word NO. We have all been there.
Even when we are at our lowest and people ask us for help, we'll try to go out of our way to help them. Some of us even went as far as borrowing. This is just because we don't want to turn them down, thereby inconveniencing ourselves to make them comfortable.
If you are too kind and always available and accessible, then you might be shooting yourself in the legs. If you want to protect your finances, you have to put boundaries in the way you help people. This does not mean you are a bad person. No, far from it. It only means you are trying to protect your finances. When you say yes to everything, you are not teaching people that you value your time, energy, and your money. It only shows desperation in you. Sometimes, people must miss your No. When you are fond of saying yes to them every time, they won't take you seriously. But be unpredictable sometimes and say no.
Sometimes, we are afraid of what people will say when we say no, and because of that, we always say yes to everything. We feel that when we say NO to people, they tend to look at us as if we are a bad person. But who cares whether you say YES or NO? People will still gossip about you. Sometimes, we are afraid of being judged, afraid of what people will say, afraid that if we don't help, it will destroy our relationships with certain people.
Also, we feel that if we don't help, we might not see people who will help us in return. Fear has crept into our souls to the extent that we begin to imagine things that do not exist.
Every Promise You Made is a Debt you owe yourself. I am guilty of this, and I am also sure many people are guilty of this as well. Some certain people in our lives are very close and important to us. If these people have an event and they want to sell clothing materials to us just because we are close. Even when we don't need the clothes, we will find it hard to say no. Some of us even went ahead to borrow to impress these people by buying their clothes.
A wise man once said, "Whenever you borrow, you are borrowing from your future money". Imagine you borrowing from your future money. How fast do you think you can make it? It will take a while. Any promises you made that will have a negative influence on your finances should be avoided like a plague. Don't ever displease yourself to please others because whenever you do, you are hurting yourself in the foot.
We live in a world where people live only based on what is happening in the moment. The moment the next moment comes, they have forgotten what had happened in the previous moments. Anytime you make those promises just to impress others, you have just postponed your own suffering. This is because you are making promises you can't fulfill easily. It will surely backfire.
Even when we are at our lowest and people ask us for help, we'll try to go out of our way to help them. Some of us even went as far as borrowing. This is just because we don't want to turn them down, thereby inconveniencing ourselves to make them comfortable.
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3 Reasons Why Your Kindness Could Make You Broke
1. You are not putting boundaries in your kindness:
2. You are afraid to Say No:
Also, we feel that if we don't help, we might not see people who will help us in return. Fear has crept into our souls to the extent that we begin to imagine things that do not exist.
3. You Make Promises a lot:
A wise man once said, "Whenever you borrow, you are borrowing from your future money". Imagine you borrowing from your future money. How fast do you think you can make it? It will take a while. Any promises you made that will have a negative influence on your finances should be avoided like a plague. Don't ever displease yourself to please others because whenever you do, you are hurting yourself in the foot.
We live in a world where people live only based on what is happening in the moment. The moment the next moment comes, they have forgotten what had happened in the previous moments. Anytime you make those promises just to impress others, you have just postponed your own suffering. This is because you are making promises you can't fulfill easily. It will surely backfire.
How to Control Your Kindness So it doesn't make you broke
1. Stop Explaining Too Much: Whenever you want to say No, don't give reasons why you are saying No. Kind people do this a lot. When you want to say No next time, just go straight to the point by saying things like: "I won't be able to do that this time. I hope it goes well." "Sorry, I won't be able to help at this time; wish you good luck"
2. Differentiate Feeling Sorry from Taking Responsibility: Sometimes, when people share their predicament with you, they are only sharing it just because they need someone to talk to, and maybe you are one of those they feel safe with to share these things. It is not every struggle or touching story that you empty your accounts on. If the billionaires of this world are doing that, do you think they will still be billionaires today? Of course not.
Henceforth, always remember that it is not every story or struggle that you try to help or take responsibility for, especially when you know it is at your expense. However, if you have more than enough, you can do that willingly, but if you know you are struggling, Don't.
3. Have a fixed limit for social obligations: People will always need help whether you like it or not. However, when you are just trying to build yourself, ensure you have a fixed limit for social obligations,s which includes money to help people.
Let it be in your budget. Henceforth, anytime the fixed amount you budgeted to help people has finished, and people still come to you for one help or the other, let them know you can't help at the moment. Let them wait till the following month; this is how you protect your finances.
What Happens When You Finally Master the Act of Saying No
1. You will be so Uncomfortable at first: You will feel as if you are a bad person when you begin to say no. Yes, this happens to everyone, especially when you are just learning to say no. Don't worry, it is part of the process. Nobody will be there when you are broke. In fact, those pressuring you with these and that will move on fast when you are no more. Hence, always remember to cut your coat according to your size. Stop saying yes to things that can harm you in the long run.
2. As Time goes on, the people who always reach out to you for every small thing will stop doing that: They will begin to look for other alternatives. You will begin to see fewer requests for help from you. This is because you are mastering the art of saying no.
3. You will begin to experience peace that you haven't experienced for a while: The peace will come because you will have fewer people troubling you. Do you know that song that says "Peace like a river"? Yeah, that is exactly what you will feel.
4. You will begin to realize that even towards the end of the month, you still have some money left with you: This is unlike before when you would have borrowed and be looking to the next month before you can pay. From there, the cycle continues.
5. You will begin to attract better people to you: People that won't stress you and people that won't inconvenience you.
Story Of My Friend Who Always Says Yes and How He Became Broke
Isaac was my childhood friend. He is a giver who loves to give. I have always known him to be a cheerful giver, and while growing up, it became part of him. One day, he got employed in the banking sector, and after a few months of working with the bank, everyone knew he was a cheerful giver. As a result of this, everyone in the office knew that whenever they needed something, the only person they could turn to was Isaac.
There were times my friend knew borrowing money would have a negative toll on his finances, but yet... He finds it difficult to say no. As a result of this, he became broke one day, and he decided to ask some of the. People he borrowed money from to pay back so that he could use the money to sort himself out. Some of these people whom he messaged had the money. Everyone knows they had the money, but they are not willing to give it to him.
Isaac learnt the hard way. Since that day, the energy to say No was much louder than Yes. When the next people came to him for help, he dared to say no. From that day onwards, Isaac's life began to transform positively. After two months, he realized that he still had money left on the 25th of that month. This is because he had learnt how to handle leakages.
He spent the following after receiving his monthly salary of N100,000
- He borrowed Mr Tade a sum of N20,000. He promised to return it by month-end. ✓ ✓ He borrowed Mrs Adeola a sum of N30,000.
- He borrowed Mr Joy a sum of N15,000
- He spent N30,000 personally on foodstuffs and other essentials.
- He is left with just N5,000
After this, he decided to ask for his money back when the month ended, and they all started giving excuses. This was what made Isaac promise never to borrow from anyone ever again. This decision seems to be the best decision because after he learnt to say No, He was just glowing and things got better for him.
This is the breakdown of his salary after he learnt to say No.
- He ensured he had a fixed limit every month for people he wants to help. Saying No doesn't mean he won't be helping anybody again; it simply means the number of people he will be helping each month will be lower.
- He spent N40,000 on foodstuffs and other personal essentials.
- He ensured he saved a minimum of N30,000 every month.
What changed was that he never had savings before and his financial lifestyle was a mess, but after he stopped helping everyone who comes to him for help, he was able to save a quite reasonable amount of money every month. Not helping everyone doesn't mean he is a bad person. No, far from it. It is a key to financial discipline. Even if you have all the money in this world, you still can't help everyone.
Conclusion:
You must know that when you are broke, you are on your own. In this world that we are in, All man for himself. Sometimes, when you are trying to solidify your finances, there are so many things you will deny yourself, and there are so many people you will have to say NO to before you can build this wealth. This does not mean you are a bad person. No... That is not it. Sometimes, you just have to take the harder parts when you want to achieve certain things in life.