Lately, I have been overthinking. It has given me insomnia.
I wake up at 2:00 a.m. in my room self-contain apartment in Ifo, Ogun State, calculating on my phone. Not because I am broke, but because I am tired.
Why am I tired?
I am tired of the pressure that comes with my salary every month. This is because my close friends, family members, and even my landlord know how much I earn.
Funny enough, I was the one who told a few close friends and family members how much I earned. I guess that was the biggest mistake of my life. I still do not know how my landlord and neighbors found out. Maybe my close friends told them, or maybe they overheard me.
Ever since everyone knew how much I earned, my take-home salary has not been enough to "take me home" again.
I work at a manufacturing company that specializes in body creams and perfume. My salary is ₦450,000 every month. But since everyone knows I earn that much, my money no longer feels like my personal money. It feels like community money.
Every night at 2:00 a.m., I ask myself one question:
"What would my financial life look like if nobody knew what I earned?"
Would I spend more rationally, or would I still spend the same way I am spending now?
After 6 months of overthinking, here is what I learned.
1. I Don’t Want My Income To Be My Identity
In 2025, my salary increased from ₦250,000 to ₦450,000. I was so excited that I told my close friends and family how much I earned. That was the biggest mistake of my life. Ever since then, my take-home salary does not take me home again.
As time went on, my landlord found out how much I earned. He increased my house rent from ₦500,000 to ₦850,000 in Ifo, Ogun State.
Apart from that, my friends and I go out every Friday night to have fun. When it is time to split the bill, they let me pay the greater portion because they feel I am "a big man." I could not say no because I earned more than them.
I also stopped cooking out of laziness. I preferred eating outside or buying food on my way home from work. I kept justifying it by telling myself, "By the time I get home from work, I will be too tired to cook."
But why was I not "too tired" before my salary increased? To be sincere, I was part of the reason my salary finished before the month ended.
By the 20th of every month, my account was gasping for breath. It was screaming, "Help me, help me." But who would help it? Nobody.
That was the season I learned an important lesson:
Earn more → Spend more → Need to earn more → Spend more.
If I continued in that cycle, I would end up in a financial trap that would be difficult to escape.
My aunt, Mrs. Adeyemi from Ibadan, told me something that struck me. She said, _"Son, money is supposed to give you options, not obligations."_ That statement resonated with me.
Earning more does not mean I should upgrade my lifestyle or status. Instead, I should pay off my debts, save for investments, and save for emergencies.
More money should help me get more money, not fund frivolities that bring no returns.
I can now see why I changed my Samsung phone to an iPhone 16. There was nothing wrong with my Samsung. I changed it due to peer pressure. My friends always told me, "You earn twice our salary and yet you are using a lesser phone."
Some of them even called me stingy — to myself. To prove a point, I bought an iPhone 16 with a loan. All of this started because they knew how much I earned.
If I had known better, I would not have let my income become my identity. I would not have let people pressure me into buying what I did not need. I would have saved that extra money for investment or for emergencies.
If I had to do it differently, I would not let my income be my identity.
2. The Things I Would Do Differently If Nobody Was Watching
Once people know how much you earn, you automatically lose the right to live frugally. They set a standard for you in their minds. If they see you living below that standard, they grumble and say all sorts of things. Do not let them get to you.
Last December, my distant cousin, Labisi, called me. She said, "Olu, we are doing Aso Ebi for one of our aunties who is celebrating her 65th birthday." The cloth is ₦150,000 per person.
As if that was not enough, she said we would also contribute ₦100,000 each to celebrate her.
The old me would have panicked and paid to avoid, "What will people say?" especially since they knew how much I earned. I would have put myself in financial difficulty just to please people.
The new me said, "Labisi, I am sorry. I can't do that this year. I have other priorities to attend to." I said it without apologizing. Whatever they wanted to say, they could say it.
For the first time, I did not add, "I am broke," because I was not broke. I just had greater priorities.
If nobody knew my salary, I would do 3 things differently:
1. Say No Without Guilt: I would not have to explain why I was saying no. People would assume I did not earn much. I would not mind trekking some distance to save transport fare.
2. Spend On What Matters To Me: I would spend my money on things that truly matter to me. I would gladly say no to late-night outings and save the money for something that brings more value.
3. Delay Gratification: A friend once mocked me for still living in a room self-contain. He said, "You earn more. It should show in your life." I felt pressured and started looking for a room-and-parlor or 2-bedroom self-contain just to prove a point. If nobody knew my salary, I would not feel pressured. People cannot pressure you when they do not have information about you.
My best friend, Quadri, who lives in Lagos, tried this last year. He stopped posting about paydays and a "rich lifestyle" on social media. He started acting as if he was broke.
Guess what happened? His family and close friends thought he was broke. Requests for "urgent ₦2,000" dropped by 80%.
He was able to increase his savings from ₦200,000 to ₦800,000 in 12 months. Ever since he told me about this, I have been adopting the same method.
3. Visibility Comes With Invisible Taxes
Here is the bigger truth: when people know that you earn more, it results in higher billing. You become the first person they think of when they have financial problems because they know you can help.
After my promotion and salary increase to ₦450,000, I have not rested. I receive bills from everywhere. I became the family and friends' ATM.
Is this the life I wanted? No.
- Dad's church harvest: "My son, please come and donate ₦50,000 to our church. You are earning well, my son."
- My neighbor would rush to my door: "Uncle Olu, please, my wife is in labor. Can you borrow me ₦100,000 for the hospital bill? I will pay you back at month end."
- My younger brother: "Uncle, the admission list is out. We are to pay ₦150,000 as school fees."
I was just receiving bills here and there. Nobody planned to give me. They preferred to collect from me.
Back then, I found it difficult to say no because it felt like betrayal. I felt guilty when people asked for help and I knew I could help but didn’t.
But when I did not say no and always said yes, it put me in financial hardship with no hope for the future. All the money I should have saved was given out as loans or donations.
If nobody knew my salary, the expectations would reduce drastically, and I would be able to save a reasonable amount for future investments.
If nobody knew how much I earned, I could choose to help whoever I wanted to help, without pressure.
So, Would Nothing Change?
A lot would change if nobody knew how much I earned.
1. My savings would increase from 10% to 30%. That is from ₦45,000 to ₦135,000 monthly. If I am consistent, I would have saved over ₦1 million in 12 months.
2. My stress would drop. I would not worry about what to tell Bro Tope who is asking for money, or what to tell Uncle Dupe about not buying his daughter Aso Ebi.
3. My decisions would be mine. I would buy anything I wanted because I wanted it, not because I was pressured. I would buy the ₦20,000 shoe because I loved it, not because it was "below my level."
The Central Idea: Financial Peace Over Public Opinion
The biggest lesson is this: You can earn more and still not have financial peace.
Financial peace does not mean you have a lot of money. It means you have control over the money you have.
If I could go back in time, I would not tell people how much I earn. Not because I am ashamed, but because my salary is the tool I want to use to build the life I want — not the life people expect me to live or fund.
A Question for you:
If nobody knew how much you earned every month, what is the first expense you would cut? And what investment would you make?
Kindly drop your answer in the comment box below. And do not forget to share this article with your loved ones. Thank you.
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