Whether you like it or not, when you are in a relationship, you will spend. It doesn't matter if your partner is demanding or not. You will surely spend. Even when your partner doesn't ask you, as a caring person, you will go out of your way to make them happy and to show them you appreciate them. It is not possible to be in a relationship without you spending. This is because it is no longer you but us. A relationship comes with bills, whether you like it or not.
Back then, when I was still dating, before we reached halfway through the month, I was always broke. At first, I thought maybe my salary wasn't enough. So, I tracked all my spending and discovered that most of my expenses are associated with my relationship. Guess what I did? I stopped dating. I stopped impressing. I only have casual friends. I stopped all forms of intimacy,cy and things changed for the better. In this article, I will share a breakdown of how much I saved as a single man and how much I spent while dating. Let's dive in.
The total money I spent on my ex-girlfriend back then was More than 50 percent of my salary. Yet, it still feels like I wasn't doing enough. I am not even sure if I really want to marry the lady or just date for fun. I am not sure if she will marry me either. One day, I thought about it and asked myself: if my ex-girlfriend sees another guy who is richer than me and is willing to do X4 of what I am doing for her currently, won't she follow him? Of course, there is every possibility that she would.
I told myself after thinking about it deeply that I am making a financial mistake. Why would I be spending over 50 percent of my income on a lady who is not even my wife? Even if she is my wife, it is not advisable unless situations warrant it. It was then that I decided to end the relationship because it was hurting me. There is this quote I saw online that says, "Every money you spend foolishly now has a way of telling in the future".
When I ended the relationship with my Ex, she cried, and I was feeling bad because I thought I had broken someone's heart. There was a time I was having pity on her, er and I was on the verge of telling her that we should continue dating, but something whispered to me that I should give it time. So, I restrained myself from going. After one week of restraining myself, I couldn't hold it again. I ran to her house without informing her to tell her that we should continue our relationship. But on getting to her house, the Unexpected happened. Guess what happened? I saw her with another boy in her parlor. They were in a lovely dovey mode. They were hugging, kissing, and caressing themselves.
When she saw me, she didn't even act like she knew me. This was the girl I had been spending on for the past 6 months. I later found out that the guy had been disturbing her since we were dating, and he is richer. It was barely even two weeks after we broke up that she moved on. I learnt a great lesson from that encounter: life moves on pretty easily irrespective of your sacrifice. Life can never be stagnant irrespective of your achievements, and people move on faster. I was hurt and cried for days. Those days, I felt so stupid and used. I blamed myself. However, after crying for days, I motivated myself and told myself that "It is time to focus on myself".
But each time I looked back, I always felt so stupid. I know how hard I worked before I earned that amount every month. We all know how these employers think; they will ensure they use you to the extent that they get every penny paid to you. That is a story for another day. I wish I had become wiser back then. I wish I had invested or saved the money I spent on my ex-girlfriend back then. By now, the money would have been working for me, and Iwouldn'tt be the one working for money.
Anyways, I braced myself up and set 6 rules for myself which I focused on strictly even when it is not easy to do. The rules are as follows;
If we look at the above and we add all the money I intend to spend in a month, the breakdown is as follows: 40,000 (Personal use) + 10,000 (Data subscription) + transport fare & emergency (20,000) = 70,000. This means that all the money I spend altogether in a month after the breakup is 70,000. Trust me, it is very hard to adjust my expenses every month to this, but I have always known that nothing good comes easy.
However, what makes it quite easy for me to adjust is that before I spend any penny, I always ensure I spend it on what is necessary. It is more like doing 2 factor authentication before I spend any penny. I always ask myself,f if I spend this penny, what is the impact,ct and what do I tend to benefit from it? This has really helped me to differentiate between wants and needs.
This phase is known as the transitioning phase. It is known as the transitioning phase because I am just moving from the reckless spender to a prudent man. I am just moving from the phase of spending recklessly on my ex-girlfriend to minimizing my expenses to the barest minimum. It was a very difficult moment. Sincerely, change is hard. However, after deciding this, I realized that I was lonely because most times I am always on the phone calling or doing video calls with my ex. The good part about this is that since I broke up and told myself that no romantic relationship for the next 6 months, I have been able to curtail my spending. Now, I don't have to think about spending on my girlfriend's family, getting her birthday gifts, and hangouts. All those leakages have finally been plugged. As a result of this, I was able to save about 80,00in 0 the first two months. That is huge, isn't it? Of course it is.
During this phase, I discovered I was having a lot of time to myself. Visiting hotels, recreational centres, and parties came to my mind just to have fun. But I remembered my rules, in which no partying, visiting hotels,s and the like were included. So, I avoided doing all these things. It was then that I sat down and thought about what I could be doing during these free times. An idea came to me, which was to watch the latest movies to while away time, but I remembered I don't have a Netflix subscription and there is a fixed amount on my monthly data. I can't be streaming movies with my data; it will make me spend more.
So, I ruled the thought out and decided to use my free time to learn skills online. However, before I started learning any skills, I asked myself what I am interested in. I discovered I loved video editing, scriptwriting, cinematography, and directing plays. In fact, directing plays is my specialty. It is so easy for me to do,o and I have skills in that. So, I decided to start learning skills in all these. I decided to learn directing skills and video editing together simultaneously. I have each day meant for each. I decided to learn both for the next 4 months,
The reason why I decided to learn directing and video editing is that they are what I love doing. So, I feel directing might not give me gigs immediately, but video Editors are always needed daily. Once I am good at it, I will always get gigs. I believe I can include this to make extra income for myself and also save from the money I am earning from my services to people and add it to the previous money I have been saving. Trust me, it is not easy combining a 9-5 job with learning a skill. It is really very difficult.
During these months, I have been able to save over 350,000. If not because I discovered myself early and retraced my steps quickly. I wouldn't have been able to save this. Yes, to some people, the money might look small for some people but to me, it is significant because I know where I am coming from.
At the end of the 6th month, I hope to have saved about 420,000. This is how I intend to spend it.
I believe these video editing skills I am learning will generate more income for me.
This article is not meant to tell us not to get involved in any romantic relationship. No, that is not it. It is just meant to enlighten on financial literacy when it comes to romantic relationships. If any relationship makes you always be in debt or makes you spend more than 50 percent of your income on it daily, then maybe you should have a rethink. Relationships are not meant to make your life harder or to bring a burden to you. It is meant to help you find solace when necessary.
If you are almost 30 and all the girls you are meeting are saying no to you. Maybe it is time to take your life seriously. It is time to invest. Maybe God knows that when you enter a relationshi,p,o, when you haven't developed the right skills, it might be a catastrophe. Hence, he is protecting you by making all the girls say no. One of the prayers we should always pray is that God, any partner that is not meant for me, let them keep saying no until I meet the right one... Amen.
When you invest or build at the necessary time, the right woman will meet you right there in the middle of your purpose. Hence, always be mindful of how you spend your income. Be financially literate in whatever you do.
Back then, when I was still dating, before we reached halfway through the month, I was always broke. At first, I thought maybe my salary wasn't enough. So, I tracked all my spending and discovered that most of my expenses are associated with my relationship. Guess what I did? I stopped dating. I stopped impressing. I only have casual friends. I stopped all forms of intimacy,cy and things changed for the better. In this article, I will share a breakdown of how much I saved as a single man and how much I spent while dating. Let's dive in.
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How My Money Looked When I Was Dating My Ex-Girlfriend
When I was still dating my ex-girlfriend, my salary was 150,000. This is the breakdown of how I often spend my salary every month.
- Money spent on Data & Calls to communicate with my Ex is 7,000
- In a month, I often visit my Ex two to three times. The transport fare to see her for those two to three times is 15,000
- The money we spend on dates every month is N15,000
- On average, I spend 20,000 on Random transfers. Sometimes, my ex might need my assistance to do her hair and other minor expenses.
- Birthday or General Surprises cost me about 20,000
- I spend 8,000 on her family on a monthly basis. Most especially her younger ones.
- I buy her clothes and perfume at least once a month, which costs 15,000
The Total Budgeted amount I spend on my ex-girlfriend on a monthly basis is 100,000.
The total money I spent on my ex-girlfriend back then was More than 50 percent of my salary. Yet, it still feels like I wasn't doing enough. I am not even sure if I really want to marry the lady or just date for fun. I am not sure if she will marry me either. One day, I thought about it and asked myself: if my ex-girlfriend sees another guy who is richer than me and is willing to do X4 of what I am doing for her currently, won't she follow him? Of course, there is every possibility that she would.
I told myself after thinking about it deeply that I am making a financial mistake. Why would I be spending over 50 percent of my income on a lady who is not even my wife? Even if she is my wife, it is not advisable unless situations warrant it. It was then that I decided to end the relationship because it was hurting me. There is this quote I saw online that says, "Every money you spend foolishly now has a way of telling in the future".
When I ended the relationship with my Ex, she cried, and I was feeling bad because I thought I had broken someone's heart. There was a time I was having pity on her, er and I was on the verge of telling her that we should continue dating, but something whispered to me that I should give it time. So, I restrained myself from going. After one week of restraining myself, I couldn't hold it again. I ran to her house without informing her to tell her that we should continue our relationship. But on getting to her house, the Unexpected happened. Guess what happened? I saw her with another boy in her parlor. They were in a lovely dovey mode. They were hugging, kissing, and caressing themselves.
When she saw me, she didn't even act like she knew me. This was the girl I had been spending on for the past 6 months. I later found out that the guy had been disturbing her since we were dating, and he is richer. It was barely even two weeks after we broke up that she moved on. I learnt a great lesson from that encounter: life moves on pretty easily irrespective of your sacrifice. Life can never be stagnant irrespective of your achievements, and people move on faster. I was hurt and cried for days. Those days, I felt so stupid and used. I blamed myself. However, after crying for days, I motivated myself and told myself that "It is time to focus on myself".
But each time I looked back, I always felt so stupid. I know how hard I worked before I earned that amount every month. We all know how these employers think; they will ensure they use you to the extent that they get every penny paid to you. That is a story for another day. I wish I had become wiser back then. I wish I had invested or saved the money I spent on my ex-girlfriend back then. By now, the money would have been working for me, and Iwouldn'tt be the one working for money.
Anyways, I braced myself up and set 6 rules for myself which I focused on strictly even when it is not easy to do. The rules are as follows;
- No dating or any form of romantic relationship in the next 6 months
- No clubs, lounges, or parties for six months
- I only do data subscription,n and other subscriptions like Netflix, Audiomacks, DS, TV, and so on were stopped.
- I ensured I don't spend more than 40,000 for myself every month, nth which includes food and other stuff.
- My data subscription for every month must not be more than 10,000
- My transport fare and money for emergencies must not be more than 20,000.
If we look at the above and we add all the money I intend to spend in a month, the breakdown is as follows: 40,000 (Personal use) + 10,000 (Data subscription) + transport fare & emergency (20,000) = 70,000. This means that all the money I spend altogether in a month after the breakup is 70,000. Trust me, it is very hard to adjust my expenses every month to this, but I have always known that nothing good comes easy.
However, what makes it quite easy for me to adjust is that before I spend any penny, I always ensure I spend it on what is necessary. It is more like doing 2 factor authentication before I spend any penny. I always ask myself,f if I spend this penny, what is the impact,ct and what do I tend to benefit from it? This has really helped me to differentiate between wants and needs.
What Happened Month by Month After I set these rules for myself
Month 1 & 2: Transitioning Phase
Month 3 & 4: The Discovering Phase
During this phase, I discovered I was having a lot of time to myself. Visiting hotels, recreational centres, and parties came to my mind just to have fun. But I remembered my rules, in which no partying, visiting hotels,s and the like were included. So, I avoided doing all these things. It was then that I sat down and thought about what I could be doing during these free times. An idea came to me, which was to watch the latest movies to while away time, but I remembered I don't have a Netflix subscription and there is a fixed amount on my monthly data. I can't be streaming movies with my data; it will make me spend more.
So, I ruled the thought out and decided to use my free time to learn skills online. However, before I started learning any skills, I asked myself what I am interested in. I discovered I loved video editing, scriptwriting, cinematography, and directing plays. In fact, directing plays is my specialty. It is so easy for me to do,o and I have skills in that. So, I decided to start learning skills in all these. I decided to learn directing skills and video editing together simultaneously. I have each day meant for each. I decided to learn both for the next 4 months,
The reason why I decided to learn directing and video editing is that they are what I love doing. So, I feel directing might not give me gigs immediately, but video Editors are always needed daily. Once I am good at it, I will always get gigs. I believe I can include this to make extra income for myself and also save from the money I am earning from my services to people and add it to the previous money I have been saving. Trust me, it is not easy combining a 9-5 job with learning a skill. It is really very difficult.
Month 5 & 6: The Growth Phase
During these months, I have been able to save over 350,000. If not because I discovered myself early and retraced my steps quickly. I wouldn't have been able to save this. Yes, to some people, the money might look small for some people but to me, it is significant because I know where I am coming from.
At the end of the 6th month, I hope to have saved about 420,000. This is how I intend to spend it.
- Keep 50,000 for investment.
- Get a tripod for 20,000
- Get a laptop for my editing: N250,000
- Budget data for the first three months:ths N50,000
- Keep the remaining 50,000 for emergency purposes.
I believe these video editing skills I am learning will generate more income for me.
Lessons I Learnt From My Story
- If a relationship makes you broke or doesn't improve your life, please leave the relationship. A romantic relationship is meant to add value to you, not take from you. If your partner is not supportive, please leave them.
- Also, always prioritize yourself first, and one of the ways you can do this is by not impressing anybody with your hard-earned money. If you want to give, it should be given willingly and not because you are trying to make her stay. Life is short, and it moves quickly.
- Have a fixed amount you spend on your relationship. You must learn to stick to the fixed amount you have budgeted, except in an emergency. Your fixed amount that is budgeted for that relationship must not be more than 15 to 20 percent of your total income. If any partner makes you spend more than that, please leave them and experience peace. Prioritize yourself first.
- Loneliness is hard, but it is better than a wrong relationship. Your partner is meant to complement you and also make life easier for you, but when they are always a burden to you, then you must think twice because it is likely you are in a wrong relationship.
Conclusion
This article is not meant to tell us not to get involved in any romantic relationship. No, that is not it. It is just meant to enlighten on financial literacy when it comes to romantic relationships. If any relationship makes you always be in debt or makes you spend more than 50 percent of your income on it daily, then maybe you should have a rethink. Relationships are not meant to make your life harder or to bring a burden to you. It is meant to help you find solace when necessary.
If you are almost 30 and all the girls you are meeting are saying no to you. Maybe it is time to take your life seriously. It is time to invest. Maybe God knows that when you enter a relationshi,p,o, when you haven't developed the right skills, it might be a catastrophe. Hence, he is protecting you by making all the girls say no. One of the prayers we should always pray is that God, any partner that is not meant for me, let them keep saying no until I meet the right one... Amen.
When you invest or build at the necessary time, the right woman will meet you right there in the middle of your purpose. Hence, always be mindful of how you spend your income. Be financially literate in whatever you do.